Archive for May 13th, 2009

The Captain Gets What He Deserves

Judging by the sheer number of responses that I received from my first ever vacation while Twittering1, I assume that most of you realize that I spent a long

weekend in Florida.  Funny how things work out some times.

I have been looking forward to this trip ever since I scored a pre-sale ticket for the NIN|JA 2009 Tour back in March.  I was originally planning on crashing at my former building with my old neighbor Amir’s place.  Well, it turned out his mother-in-law was flying in the same weekend so Dr. Douchebag and I got booted to his beach condo.  Sad story, I know.

In another stroke of good timing, it just so happened that my good buddy Jamie is in Jacksonville most of this month on business.  Instead of flying back to St. Louis for the weekend to watch some terrible television with his wife, he wisely decided to make the four hour drive down to Sarasota.  In fact, we managed to time it so Jamie arrived in Sarasota in time to pick me up at the local airport.  Good timing all around.

We met the rest of the Sarasota crew on Friday nite at the beach condo, including Patrick and Rob, and proceeded to drink for the next six hours.  I even got to roll Sarasota style, i.e. lots of vodka and tonic/red bulls and massive amounts of flavored tobacco from the hookah.

We spent the rest of the evening traversing the treacherous landscape2 at the beach clubs in Siesta Key Village.

We were all up by the crack of noon the next day with fresh hangovers.  Fully ready to live it up I headed out with Amir and Jamie for a gorgeous afternoon of excess.  In no particular order we enjoyed 4 hours on the beach, 3 pounds of oysters, 2 cases of beer and 1 pound of crawdads.

This gave me more than enough fuel to head up with Rob to Tampa for the magnum opus of the weekend, the Nine Inch Nails | Jane’s Addiction show!

The show was easily one of the best concerts I’ve ever seen.  In fact, if I exclude the part where I narrowly avoided getting robbed at knifepoint by three guys in a bathroom stall after the show, I’d say it was the best show ever.  But more about that in my next blog.

Fast forward to the next morning, and I’ve got an ever worse hangover.  Since I was able to successfully drink away my hangover the previous day, I decided to go for a repeat performance.  It worked!  More Florida by the numbers:  5 more hours of beach, 4 pounds of chicken wings, 3 pounds of crab legs, 2 more cases of beer and 1 long running contest3 and I’m living the beach life.

I learned while I was in Vegas that the best way to distract from my beer gut was to wear my beer-coosie necklace, and I wound up wearing it most of the weekend.  It actually fit in at most of the places we went, but nowhere more so than the Sunday nite hippie drum circle at Siesta Beach.

It was two straight hours of cheap beer, bad dancing and suspicious smells

But I loved it!

At around 9pm it dawned on me that Jamie had a 4 hour drive back to Jacksonville and yet he was still in Sarasota.  We thought he would for sure crash out and show up late for work on Monday, but he somehow gathered himself up and left before 10pm.  That Jamie is all Man, I never would have made it.

Amir and I decided to double our vodka and hookah intake and back at the condo for the rest of the nite

This made for a particularly rough start to my Monday morning.  Drinking off two straight hangovers makes this third one in a row a real beast.  A Chinese buffet and the accompanying three hour coma that resulted did little to tame this beast.

I had to summon all of my remaining strength to make it to the Sarasota airport by 6 pm and begin the long trip home.  I hobbled into St. Louis late Monday nite dead tired, sun burnt and sore.

I spent most of Tuesday recovering from my trip, which did the trick more or less.  Today I was back at work playing catch up and contending with some minor skin pelage off of my face.4 A nice visible reminder of my exhausting, sun filled weekend.

My vacation reminded me of how damn much I miss living in Florida.  Great weather, great views, great friends and great times.  Sigh.

Up tomorrow, the Captain puts the ninja in NIN|JA 2009 with his blade-dodging skills.


The Captain

1  Twittercation?  Vatweetion?  Suggestions?

2  Why are these four or five clubs so vicious?  Well, they are the only clubs within 100 miles with significant quantities of women under 30, so they are packed with dudes in the 25-40 age range.  Still, this is not what makes them dangerous.  It’s the type of predator that these dudes attract that makes them perilous, the dreaded Beach Cougar.

3 We decided to see who was best at peppering ridiculous catch phrases into casual conversation.  I managed to successfully change the unspoken man-love between the three of us from the overused “Bromance” into the far superior “Brologna” and threw in a couple of Vroom! Vroom! Party Starter! for good measure.  But Amir was the eventual winner when he referred to the two teenage boys on the beach leering at women in slutty bikinis as “hunting for pornish hens.”   That’s was a mighty fine turn of the phrase my friend.

4  Further proof that I am now a tourist and no longer a Floridian.  I remembered to coat myself in sunscreen, but I forgot the all important Reapply step later on both days.  It was a real rookie tourist move on my part.

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