Archive for March, 2010

The Captain Would Like To Thank The Academy

I wasn’t going to write about the Oscars today, but there are a couple of things that I just can’t not mention.  Megan won our mini-contest last nite by correctly predicting that Hurt Locker would sweep over Avatar.  Losing the manual-labor-side-bet this year dictates that I must now clean all the dog poop out of our back yard, which sucks big time.  It serves me right for betting on Avatar…

The big surprise of the nite was my favorite film, Up In The Air, getting completely shutout.  Losing the Best Adapted Screenplay to Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire was, well, Bullshit:  Based On Some Guilt By The Academy Voters.

I was also peeved that the new Wallace and Gromit short, A Matter Of Loaf And Death, lost in the Animated Short category.  I was mad until I watched the short that won the Oscar, Logorama.!wUapp7BV2oONHOYgA0fA3kKn7cvwkWO59OBMBBswSNtey-igvNmRlbFFQLab-z/v.aspx

Hot damn is that clip amazing!  The creativity is off the charts and most importantly it reinforces a long held belief of mine – Ronald McDonald is a psychotic asshole.

So good job academy on that call and on Martin and Ballwin hosting.  Now if they would just get rid of the interpretive dance performances…


The Captain

The Captain Salutes The Cold

It’s a balmy 52 degrees this afternoon in St. Louis and the sun is shining brightly. Now that March is here it really feels to me like all the cold weather was left back with the Olympics in February.

With a much warmer forecast for the foreseeable future I am thrilled with all the warm weather activities I can now enjoy. My first inclination was to dedicate today’s Friday 5 to my favorite warm weather activities. However, this seemed like a rather lazy topic to me. Complaining about the cold and championing the warm is pretty standard. Spring>Winter in everyone’s book. So I decided to take the opposite position today just for a bit of a challenge. So here’s to the cold weather we are about to leave behind.

Top 5 Things I Enjoy About The Winter

1. Dressing in layers

Wearing layered clothing is not as comfortable as the summer shorts-and-t-shirt combo I favor, but it is way handier. The biggest advantage is the additional pockets. Typically I only have my front two pants pockets for storage in warm weather, and that’s just not enough1. Winter gives me an additional 2-4 pockets for storage depending on the jacket I wear.

Layers also give me a backup in case of accidents. If food or liquid manage to find their way onto my shirt, I’ve got a spare ready to go underneath. If I spill wine on my shirt in summer then I’m stuck looking like Wino McGee.

2. Snow days

There are few things as instantly gratifying as learning that snow will prevent me from leaving the house. Since I’m lucky enough to have a job that closes due to bad weather and actually still pays me, I get to think like a kid again. And that means lots of snow = vacation. Even better, it’s unplanned vacation, so all that shit I have to do at work can wait till tomorrow. And let’s face it, nothing beats getting paid for doing nothing.

3. Warming up the car

Now that we have a garage again, I can warm up my car before leaving the house. While this is usually just an extra step that wastes a bit of gas, it also functions an invaluable tool in hastening my wife’s getting ready process. Yelling “Honey, it’s time to go” is much more effective when I can add “the car is running” at the end of the sentence.

4. Formal events

This is strictly based on being a guy and having to wear a suit to formal occasions. Women have the option of summer formalwear and winter formalwear. Guys only have the suit. As such, attending formal events in the warmer months usually involves a ton of sweating.

For example, at my wedding I forced around 40+ men to sit on a beach in 90+ degree weather while wearing ties. It was a sweaty afternoon.

My buddy Jamie had his wedding ceremony in February. Despite the freezing drizzle all afternoon, I felt pretty comfortable in my vest and jacket combination.

5. A reason to cancel plans whenever I want

Cold weather is a great catch all reason to avoid doing undesirable things2.

Can I attend a fundraiser this weekend? Well, the weather forecast looks pretty bad and I don’t want to risk it.

Do I want to catch (insert local band name) this Tuesday nite at (insert shitty local music venue)? Actually, I think this cold weather is starting to get me sick so I should probably stay home.


The Captain

1. For example, if I’m going out to a bar I will typically bring my wallet, iPhone, car keys, digital camera and a Bic lighter. That’s a whole lot to fit in a pair of Levis, even with the watch pocket.

2. These are just hypothetical undesirable things. If I declined to attend and activity with you over the last couple of months it was for legitimate reasons…

The Captain Loves Crazy Contraptions

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of Pee Wee Herman.  One of my favorite of his bits is the breakfast machine from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.

To me this was the ultimate Rube Goldberg contraption.  That was until I saw this today.

Internet darlings OkGo apparently are trying to break my allegiance to Mr. Herman1.  You were close, but no cigar.

While you contraption may be flashier, in the end all it was able to accomplish was coating the band in paint.  Pee Wee’s device produced smiley faced pancakes.  Smiley.  Faced.  Pancakes.  Nice try fellas, but it’s Pee Wee FTW!


The Captain

1. While they may not be able to break my allegiance, I think they have a good shot at breaking the internet today.

The Captain Is Ready To March On

Why does the shortest month of the year always feel like the longest?

Hot damn I’m glad that March has finally arrived.

My February started off pretty sluggish and managed to slow to a crawl by this past weekend.  A month of cold weather and a solid two weeks of fighting off a cold left me tired and constantly feeling drained.  Last week was the culmination of my month long exhaustion.

Even though I hate drawing my PTO down, I called in to work on Tuesday and Friday.  My fatigue also resulted in the Year of Consistency taking a much needed breather.  I broke down and took the elevator for a few days and I skipped my first Friday 5 column1.

While it was a slow month, February did have its worthwhile moments.  The return of Lost was amazing, and the gaining train wreck that Big Love has become managed to be quite entertaining.  Taking Desmond to get neutered was a welcome relief.

While we have yet to see what effect the neutering will have on his limitless energy, all of the time at home with us has had a wonderful calming effect on the little guy.  Meg and I spent a considerable amount of time in February learning and teaching our little toy fox terrier and it’s actually starting to produce results.  All of the learning really exhausts poor Desmond.

The other odd result of my February hibernation was watching a ton of Olympic coverage.  With lots of time to kill, the constant coverage on NBC and the amazing performances of my two favorite teams, USA and Germany, I saw more of the Winter Olympics than I have since I was a kid2.

Now that the weather forecast is finally warmer and I’ve successfully passed my cold onto my wife, I am looking forward to being much more active in the weeks ahead.  So goodbye to a cold and groggy February and hello to a warm and active March!


The Captain

1.  This made me realize that a having Friday 5 as a weekly post is not a great idea.  I found a weekly schedule was a bit too demanding; it felt like all I was posting was Top 5 lists.  So I’ve decided to post these on a bi-weekly basis, which technically lets me off the hook for last Friday…

2.  The women in my family were all obsessed with figure skating, which translated into me watching a good chunk of the ’84, ’88 and ’92 Winter Games.  It turns out I still have all the names of the various jumps stored in my brain along with a twenty year crush on Katarina Witt.

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