Archive for August 13th, 2010

The Captain Loves A Bad Idea

At 1 pm today I am heading to Steelville for the weekend.  I will be canoeing down a river while drinking beer, or going on a “float trip” as it is known in Missouri.  The Captain on a float trip in 2010 is a terrible idea for lots of reasons.  Here are the most glaring reasons:

Top 5 Reasons I Should Not Go On The Float Trip This Weekend

1.  I haven’t been camping or canoeing in years

In my youth I was a proficient at both camping and canoeing.  Years of training in the Boy Scouts helped me to do both activities with relative ease.  But that was a long time ago.  The last time I slept in a tent or stepped foot in a canoe was seven years ago.  I have no idea how much I will remember, but I’ll guess it will be less than I need…

2.  It’s going to be terribly hot

It’s been over 100 degrees in Missouri since Monday.  That’s pretty friggin’ hot.  The weekend forecast originally called for temperatures to drop on Saturday in time for the float, but I’m not that lucky.  Now the cold front is not moving to Missouri until Sunday, just in time for it not to matter.  Dammit.

3.  I’m too old for this shit

Spending 18 hours drinking beer in 100 degree weather was tough ten years ago.  Now that I’m less than a month away from my 32nd birthday, it sounds positively brutal.  I have no idea how my body will react to this kind of punishment, but I’d say the odds aren’t in my favor.

4.  My sister and I are bad influences on each other

Since our childhood my sister and I have tended to get in more trouble together than we ever would have separately.  My blatant disregard for certain rules combined with her gullibility usually made for a disastrous combination.  Even more telling is the fact that we’ve never gone on a float trip together.  The first and only time we were supposed to float together I hit a concrete embankment with my face while we were camping the nite before.  We haven’t attempted a float since.  I’m pretty sure it can’t go much worse this time…

5.  It’s the 10th anniversary of Float2K

This is definitely most troublesome on the list.  For this isn’t just any float trip, it’s Float2K10.  Let me explain.

The summer of 2000 was the last summer of college for me and for many of my friends.  The craziest guys I knew at the time decided to go all out for a monster float trip they designated as Float2K.  It was by far the craziest float I’ve ever attended.  It completely annihilated me.  I was in such bad shape when I got home on Sunday that I had to call in to work on Monday!

Now it’s ten years later, my alcohol tolerance is a fraction of what it once was, and Float2K10 is looming.  Wish me luck.

Ciao,

The Captain

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