Archive for December 10th, 2012

The Captains Shouldn’t Cross The Border

I should have stuck to my guns on Friday nite.  I should have never crossed over my western border, but I did and I paid the price.  Like most folks in St. Louis, I have self-imposed geography limits that apply to socializing.  Basically, everyone that lives in St. Louis City or County has a western border that they won’t cross.1  Or to put it another way, heading west in St. Louis gets lamer by the mile.

When I lived downtown, I wouldn’t go further west than I-270 to meet at a bar.  For my sister who lives in South City, that line is crossing a bridge over the Missouri River into St. Charles.  Where I currently stay, my western border is Mid Rivers.  Out west of St. Peters is nothing but strip malls and hoosiers.

Well, on Friday nite I made the bad decision to cross the border and venture out to the nether regions of O’Fallon.  I should’ve known better than to pull off at the Highway K exit, but it seemed worth it.  I was tempted to cross the border by a mini-reunion from my freshman dorm.  One of the Cohen Heads pictured here




was having a 35th birthday shindig at an O’Fallon dive and most of the original 807 Blair gang was coming to celebrate.  Both of the Cohen Heads were there, plus Tina the Lawyer and an extremely rare appearance by Jonny English.  All that was missing was L.J. and a six pack of Zima.2

I’m a real sucker for anytime a gang gets back together, so I decided to brave the outskirts in O’Fallon.  Even though I tried to brace myself beforehand, I was unprepared for the Trash Bash that followed.  Here’s a brief video that accurately summarizes the evening.



It was a real Shit Show.  And now my iPhone screen is full of water and submerged in a pile of rice.



That’s right, O’Fallon broke my phone.  I guess that’s what I should have expected when I made the choice to cross over into the borderlands.  That far west is a wild and untamed place and if I need to ever cross over again I need to be better prepared.



The Captain


1.  There is also a North-South border in the County that is pretty strict. People who live North of I-70 & I-270 won’t go further south that I-44 & I-270.  And vice versa.

2.  Hurricane L.J. is flying in from California the weekend after next; I’m already battening down the hatches in anticipation.

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