Archive for March 4th, 2014
Are you ready for some Sadness! It’s day two of Bad News Week and I’m already depressed. Actually, I’ve been kind of depressed for over a year now. All the death around me keeps bringing me down no matter how many times I keep picking myself up. I had three people around me die in 2013 and they all affected me in different ways. It’s been eight months now since my cousin Chrissy died and it still stings my heart almost every day. My grandmother’s death last January was also a sad time for all of the obvious reasons, but the death of my cousin has actually multiplied that sadness. The last time I saw Chrissy alive was at my grandmother’s funeral. Just thinking about that makes me want to cry.
I’ve been trying to move past these feelings of sadness without much success for so long that I’m ready to quit trying. I spent most of last year distracting my mind in an attempt to not feel sad. Family, baseball, friends, vacations, and whatever else I could find. Diversions worked for a while, but my sadness was patient. Always willing to wait for a spare moment.
But I have made some progress in dealing with my grief. And I did manage to stay away from the anger. Being around Chrissy’s son Johnny has really helped me with that. He is such a fun little guy and so full of life. He’s wildly funny and always thrilled to spend time with our family. Here he is with my sister back in November hamming it up for the camera. This was the result after I told him to smile pretty for the camera.
He reminds me so much of Chrissy that it is overwhelming at times. Seeing her face looking at me through his eyes can be wonderful or disheartening depending on my mood. But at this point I’ve become so accustomed to the sadness that some days it barely even registers. So I’m not exactly sure that still being sad about my cousin counts as “bad news.” But I will say that I feel slightly less sad every week. And with that tiny bit of the good news I will end it today.
Stay tuned tomorrow for more death on day 3 of Bad News Week!