As you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t posted much this month. My life has suddenly become quite busy over the past few weeks, which leaves no room for the Quarters. At this point I’m not at liberty to discuss the events that have kept me busy, but I will be addressing them in the near future. I also plan to blog quite a bit more in April, so stay tuned.
I’ve been under a good deal of stress lately and I hadn’t really noticed that it was affecting me until a few nites ago. For some reason periods of stress always tend to produce the same result: the “Oh shit, I’m gonna fail one of my classes” dream.
This dream begins with many different scenarios. Sometimes it involves me studying for semester finals and realizing that I completely forgot about one of my classes. Somehow I didn’t remember to attend biology class for the last month or two, and now I have to cram a whole semester’s worth of studying into three hours.
Sometimes the dream begins with me studying diligently for a final and inadvertently dozing off during the process. When Dream Captain wakes up, it’s half an hour after the final has begun. Now I have to run across campus/high school/the woods and hope to make it to the test with enough time to answer at least some of the questions.
Every once in awhile, the dream begins after I’ve finished my finals. I’m cruising around campus/one of my college apartments/the arch-front and I realize that I somehow forgot to take one of the classes required to graduate. I rush to the registration office and discover that I will be stuck in school one more semester.
No matter how these dreams begin, they always end the same way: me waking up in the middle of the nite in a cold sweat and engulfed in a layer of dread. These dreams always leave me with a profound sense of urgency, which is about the worst feeling to have at two in the morning.
Over the past couple of years I’ve actively fought back against these stress dreams. After the dream, or some times during it, I will repeatedly tell myself that I am not actually in school any more so there is nothing to fear. This seemed to work for awhile.
Recently the stress dreams have found a way to fight back. Now the dream begins with a phone call from some authority figure. This principal/dean/coach informs me that I am required to return to high school/college/grad school to make up for a class that I somehow failed/forgot to take/didn’t exist. The now adult me is forced to return to an imagined updated version of a former school. This feeling of being an old outsider adds a brand new layer of stress to the dream, one that is even harder to shake off.
Thursday nite I woke up around three a.m. and actually had to tell myself that I wasn’t back in high school. So yeah, needless to say I’m looking forward to relieving some stress this weekend. Next week look for more regular updates. Until then, I’ll be on campus and perpetually late.