Here are the highlights of what my three friends and I said while watching the Cardinals-Phillies game tonite. For ease of reading, I will refer to everyone as one of the following:
@CaptainRaoul – Captain Raoul
@AquaNetter – Timmy the Greek
@Andrew_Ohara – T-Shirt Andy
@SpeedyMick – Speedy Mick
Here’s the highlights:
Captain Raoul – Really hoping there’s a bench clearing brawl tonite like Rays-Red Sox game from yesterday.
T-Shirt Andy – I hate that bowtie that Ken Rothenthal wears, not on board with any white guy wearing a bowtie except PeeWee Herman.
Speedy Mick– These Fox commentators do not need to be wearing suits.
Captain Raoul – My boss is a White Sox fans, so I have to pretend to care about their highlights.
T-Shirt Andy – I think the Oriels are winning only because of theie new cartoon hats.
Captain Raoul – I love Joe Buck, hate Tim McCarver.
T-Shirt Andy – But at least it’s not the local guys on Fox Sports Midwest.
Captain Raoul – This pitching matchup is a really underwhelming. Tomorrow is Halladay-Wainwright. Tonite, Garcia-Kendrick? Lame.
T-Shirt Andy – Fox can’t be happy with Molina and Ruiz out tonite.
(general cheering when Holliday catches an almost home run)
Timmy the Greek– Joe’s comment on paternity leave for MBL players was a set-up for some crazy comments from Tim McCarver. Glad they went to commercial.
Captain Raoul – I hate it when they say that Tyler Greene is the best athlete on the team
Timmy the Greek– You should see him do pull-ups!
Captain Raoul – What is with the red and white necklaces the cardinals wear. Whoa, did you see the sweat on skips nose?
T-Shirt Andy – Gotta love HD
(Tim McCarver says that Freddy Galvis is fun to watch) Tim the Greek – If you like strikeouts!
T-Shirt Andy – Cubs in last place? Aren’t they most blindly optimistic fans in baseball.
(Tim McCarver – as everybody knows, there are plenty of bats not enough hits) (Collective groan from us.)
T-Shirt Andy – Matt Adams looks like an out of shape Adam Dunn
Captain Raoul – Nice to hear an interview with Adam Wainwright in game. But the questions were stupid.
(Tim McCarver – that RBI double sliced right though the humidity to score a run) T-shirt Andy – What does that even mean?
Captain Raoul post on Twitter – While it would be fun to be at Busch Stadium tonite, watching the game at home involves 100% less swamp-ass. #MLBnight
Captain Raoul – I like the hashtag under the Fox Sports logo. Easy to see yet subtle. Also, I could use some more ingame updates.
Speedy Mick – what does the “Just For Men Autostop Foolproof Stat” even mean?
Captain Raoul – Too many sponsorships of the mundane aspects of the game.
T-Shirt Andy – I heard last nite they had fredbird take his jersey off and streak on field.
Captain Raoul – Tim McCarver baseball cards are a bit cheesy, but always funny.
Speedy Mick – Hunter Pence really chokes up on the bat.
Captain Raoul – High hold and even higher socks.
Captain Raoul – Another bad break for the Cardinals. Hard hits bad hops.
Captain Raoul – Kendrick is looking good for a pitcher who owns an era over 5.
Captain Raoul – What’s this show Touch that Fox keeps advertising?
T-Shirt Andy – It stars Keifer Sutherland.
Captain Raoul – Not interested.
Captain Raoul – I like the first pitch proposal story, but if I would have tried to propose at a ball game my wife would’ve said no.
Speedy Mick – My wife would’ve said yes
Captain Raoul – Your wife would’ve said yes at an Arbys
Captain Raoul – Kendrick looking like an ace tonite. Who knew?
T-Shirt Andy – Someone just commented on my band’s YouTube video “Jesus drives a Honda.” It was based on the bible verse “Jesus and his disciples traveled in one accord.”
Captain Raoul – Surprising to hear that Pujols has homered in 3 straight games.
Captain Raoul – Baseball nite in America next week looks good except for one game. Who cares about Diamondbacks-Padres?
T-Shirt Andy – Kendrick has only thrown 80 pitches into the 9th inning? What?
Captain Raoul – Holliday should’ve run that ball out. It’s the bottom of the 9th dammit!
T-Shirt Andy – Struck out looking to end it? What a boring game.
Captain Raoul – These postgame highlights are way more interesting than the game I just watched, and those were my favorite two teams.
And that’s all I wrote.